May you rest in peace

I'm sitting amid a thunder storm, underneath the shelter of my room. The window is wide open and the curtains are drawn so that I can see the ominous clouds painting the once blue sky, grey. As I stare out the window I can see the rain pelting down, like thin stripes in a hazy blur of green.

...and I think to myself :

"death seems so surreal"

When you first hear of it, your body can't quite react to it fast enough. It's like the words have not had sufficient time to sink in yet. They haven't seeped into the cracks of the walls you put up to block out pain. Not quite yet. Eventually it will get there and that's when the emotions start rushing in, reflecting the pain. Just like this storm, with the rain slowly bouncing off the window sill and lightly spraying me and my computer screen.

You feel a little numb, perhaps a little lost and confused. But the main message is that you can't believe it has happened. Just like that. The idea that you'll never get a chance to hug that person, talk to that person or see that person is frightening. Daunting. It's sad.

... but the sadness is a selfish kind of sadness. It's the kind of sadness where you want that person to stay breathing just so you can be near them, spend more time with them, erase any regrets in your mind. It doesn't take into account the pain and suffering of the other person. Perhaps it's a good thing that they have passed on to a different place now, because at least they are relieved of their pain.

Although you're sad, you're happy that they are no longer suffering from any sort of pain ; whether it be physical or emotional. I am reassured that the person is safely in the hands of God, enjoying banquets with the King in his holy kingdom: Heaven. I feel reassured.

Many people use the word "hope" recklessly. They "hope" for good luck or they "hope" that that guy/girl they like will hurry up and tell them. But seriously, what good is hope if you can already see it? Why would you hope for something that you can physically touch and see?

In order to have hope you need to have faith that the event will occur. What good is hope without faith? it's just an empty statement. I can only hope for a better future because I have faith that there will be a better life after death.

The one thing that this man has taught me is to never regret anything in life. We are handed with so many decisions that we must make daily and if we live life cautiously, not exploring and without hope - we're not really living at all. If we are always calculating and making observations - it leaves little room for revelations. His last words to me were to work hard and give your all for everything. I will definitely honour that.

May you rest in peace Uncle Nelson. I'm happy that I had one last dinner with you. I will see you in Heaven, where we will be dining in festivities and joy!

Love,
Jillian